There Is No “Wrong Choice”
How to use play and fun to make hard choices, solve problems, and have better relationships
It was my first time stepping into a new character identity - other than playing Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz in 5th grade - and I was really nervous, especially as an introvert. My mother had convinced me to take an improv comedy class with her, and it was my turn to stand up in front of a small group of people and act out a totally improvised scene. For a reason unbeknownst to me, I chose to have a French accent and acted demanding with a bit of a temper. In that moment, I felt a twinge of liberation. I got to step out of my own head for a moment and respond to the situation from a totally different perspective. And the best part? I was doing it through play.
That experience has often made me wonder: What if the key to transforming our lives and our relationships could be found in a surprisingly simple place? The answer could lie in the world of fun, flow, and improvising your life from moment to moment.
Improv, known for its spontaneity and humor, is more than just a form of entertainment. It is also a powerful tool for personal development, relationship building, and navigating life’s challenges. In this week’s episode of L3 Philosophy™ with Emmi, I interviewed Jordan Hirsch, a facilitator, improviser, and founder of FishTree, a leadership development company that makes it safe, fun, and possible to do hard things at work. Jordan and I talked about how by embracing core principles of improv, we can unlock new ways of thinking, interacting, and growing. You can watch or listen to our episode here:
Let’s dive into how the principles of improv can elevate your relationships, encourage personal growth, and help you embrace change and uncertainty with confidence.
The Power of ‘Yes, And’
Have you ever noticed how stressed you feel when you have to make a decision or solve a problem and you don’t really like any of the choices? No one likes to feel trapped. This happens because we’re probably only thinking inside the box during those situations.
Jordan shared that the number one core principle at the heart of improv is the “Yes, and” philosophy. This principle is based on the idea of accepting what others offer, and then building upon it. In improv, when one performer presents an idea, the other participants don’t reject it or try to control it—they say “Yes,” and then add something new with an “and.” The result? A dynamic, collaborative experience that grows in unexpected and often delightful ways.
Now, what if we could apply this mindset to our lives outside of an improv sketch? Imagine the power of saying “Yes, and” in your personal growth, in your relationships, or when you face difficult situations. Instead of rejecting ideas or limiting your possibilities—whether it’s an opportunity, a challenge, or a change—you simply accept it and then ask, “How can I build upon this?” When you approach life with this mindset, you open yourself up to endless opportunities and more expansive thinking.
As Jordan so eloquently put it, "Be the person who brings 'Yes, and' to the party—even if it's just a party of one." It’s a reminder that this principle isn’t just for interactions with others; it starts with how we relate to ourselves. It’s about showing up for your own life with an open heart and mind, even when things don’t go as planned.
As a Breakup & Relationship coach, I see limited doom and gloom thinking all the time. And rightly so! When you’re in a tunnel of despair due to a breakup or divorce, it can be really hard to see things any other way, causing you to be blind to other options or paths you can create. But when you can open your mind to new possibilities, even if you open the door just a sliver, new outcomes suddenly exist. If you need to shift your internal dialog into something more supportive, I can help you with this. You can schedule a complimentary discovery call here to see if we’re a good fit to work together.
The “Yes, and” mindset can be especially powerful in our personal development. Life is full of transitions, challenges, and moments of self-doubt. But instead of getting stuck in a negative thought loop or resisting the discomfort of change, you can say “Yes, and” to your own growth. “Yes, this is hard, and I can learn from it” or “Yes, I’m facing a challenge, and I have the resources to overcome it.”
Reflect and Practice: What is something you have not accepted as a reality in your life? Reflect on how you can use ‘yes, and’ to help you embrace where you are presently and creatively brainstorm solutions to help you see things differently. Try this practice over the next few weeks and notice if your overall demeanor shifts.
Active Listening: A Key to Building Stronger Relationships
One of the most valuable tools improv offers, as Jordan shared, is the ability to truly listen to others. In improv, active listening is essential. The moment you stop paying attention to your scene partner or get distracted by your own thoughts, the flow of the interaction is lost. To succeed in improv, you have to be fully present and engaged with the person across from you, which helps create a seamless, spontaneous experience.
This principle can be applied directly to our relationships with others. How often do we find ourselves thinking about what we want to say next instead of truly listening to the person in front of us? When we’re not fully present, we miss opportunities for connection and understanding. But if we practice the art of active listening—whether it’s in our romantic relationships, friendships, or professional settings—we open ourselves up to deeper, more meaningful connections.
When we take the time to actively listen and absorb the information, we also learn to hear not only the words being said but the feelings and intentions behind them. This creates a more empathetic and compassionate way of communicating, which is the foundation for stronger relationships.
Reflect and Practice: On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the best, how would you rate yourself as a present, active listener? This week, simply notice when your attention strays during conversation or if you are doing most of the talking. How can you take more of an interest in what someone else is sharing with you or show more empathy?
If you are enjoying the ‘reflect and practice’ sections in this article, You might like these guided journals!
Embracing Change: There Is No “Wrong” Choice
Let’s face it—change can be scary. Whether it’s a career shift, a change in our personal relationships, or the internal shifts that come with personal growth, the unknown can feel intimidating. And all too often, when faced with change, we start to focus on what we might lose.
What if this doesn’t work out?
What if I’m not ready?
What if I lose something or someone important?
But in improv, there’s no such thing as a “wrong” choice—every choice opens up new possibilities. In fact, one of the most powerful aspects of improv is how it teaches us to embrace uncertainty and view it as an opportunity rather than something to fear. The concept of "Yes, and" is all about embracing change and building upon it, instead of resisting it.
As Jordan shared, “Change can mean loss at first...but what might become possible on the other side of this unexpected thing?” This is a game-changing perspective. Instead of focusing on the worst-case scenario or the potential risks, we can train ourselves to ask, “What if this change leads to something better than I can even imagine?” Jordan explained, “In improv, we play a game called “What could be worse? What could be better?” In this game, we start with something simple and build on it, asking “What could be better?” at every turn. It allows us to play with possibilities, knowing that we can always create something new from where we are.”
When I work with people during breakup coaching, I also utilize a similar game where I invite them to identify a catastrophic “What If?” they have. For example, many people have the fear, “What if I never meet someone and I am alone?” I encourage them to accept that this, in fact, IS a possibility, however if it exists, that means an equal and opposite possibility must exist as well. Why not give that one some attention? In the previous example, the opposite “What If?” that exists is, “What if I meet the love of my life and have a more fulfilling relationship that I could have ever imagined?” Even if it seems far-fetched, simply acknowledging that it could be a possibility - even 1% - lessens your attachment to the catastrophic “What If?”
When you adopt this mindset, you start to approach challenges and changes with curiosity instead of fear. Change becomes something you get to navigate with creativity and collaboration, rather than something you have to endure.
In our conversation, Jordan and I agreed that one of the most valuable aspects of using improv as a tool is the component of playfulness. When faced with a choice, we shouldn’t ask ourselves, what's the right decision here? That's a loaded question. The right decision often doesn't exist. Jordan suggested that we ask ourselves this question instead: “What would be a playful way to approach this challenge?”
Thinking about choices and challenges in this way can be powerful because it activates a different portion of the brain, which can bring a whole new perspective to things. Jordan added that the first step to answering the above question might be figuring out, “How do I like to play as an adult? What sounds like fun?” What sounds like fun is a question adults rarely ask. However, approaching life situations in this way can unlock a completely new way of problem-solving.
Reflect and Practice: Is there a choice that you’re struggling to make right now? Which strategy presented so far will help you solve it through a different vantage point? Throughout the week, try implementing one of these such as “What would be the playful choice?” if even to get your mind into out-of-the-box thinking for a few minutes. Notice if anything new comes to you.
The Improv Mindset in Relationships: Building Stronger Connections
Our relationships—romantic, platonic, and professional—are often where the “Yes, and” mindset can have the most significant impact. In a relationship, it’s not always about “winning” an argument or proving that you’re right. It’s about working together to create something greater than either person could do alone. This is where the idea of collaboration becomes key.
In the context of a romantic relationship, for example, “Yes, and” might look like offering your partner support even when things aren’t going perfectly. It’s about acknowledging their experience, saying “Yes, I hear you,” and then adding “And here’s how I can support you.” Or maybe it’s about allowing space for growth in the relationship. Instead of seeing a challenge as an obstacle, you can choose to see it as an opportunity for both of you to evolve together.
Jordan’s experience with his family is a perfect example of how this mindset works. He shared how he and his wife, who both practice improv, have been able to teach their daughter the “Yes, and” philosophy. “My daughter goes to an improv class. And so we get to use that language of 'Yes, and' around the family dinner table.” It’s a beautiful illustration of how this mindset can not only strengthen our romantic partnerships but also create more harmonious, collaborative environments in our families, friendships, and workplaces.
As you start to adopt the “Yes, and” principle in your relationships, you’ll find that others are drawn to your openness, positivity, and even playfulness. This isn’t just about being agreeable; it’s about creating a space for mutual growth, exploration, and even belonging. People want to be around others who are supportive, creative, and open-minded. And by embracing these qualities, you’ll find that your connections with others become more meaningful and fulfilling.
5 Ways to Apply Improv to Everyday Life
Practice Active Listening – In every conversation, make a conscious effort to listen fully and be present. Let go of the urge to interrupt or plan your response while the other person is speaking.
Use ‘Yes, And’ in Conversations – Challenge yourself to replace “but” with “and.” Notice how this small shift changes the flow of the conversation and encourages more collaboration.
Embrace Uncertainty – When faced with a new challenge or change, ask yourself, “What could be better?” and focus on the potential opportunities that lie ahead. Be open to what might unfold.
Engage in Improv Games – Even if you’re not in an improv class, you can still have fun with improv games like “Yes, and,” “What is the playful choice?” or “What’s the worst that could happen?” These playful exercises can help you stay open and creative.
Reflect and Adapt – At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect on what went well and what didn’t. What could you have built upon? How can you bring a more collaborative mindset to your next challenge?
By incorporating the playful, collaborative principles of improv into your life, you can shift your perspective on challenges, relationships, and personal growth. Life doesn’t have to be something you simply endure—it can be an exciting, creative adventure, filled with endless possibilities.
So, let’s start saying “Yes, and” to more things that come our way and watch our lives expand in ways we never thought possible. Today, ask yourself, “What’s the more playful choice?”
If you enjoyed this article and want to expand on the reflection exercises in it, You might like these guided journals!
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